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Coming to a theater near you...this February...a remake of the heartwarming tale of a lost soul, a soul who just wanted to go home...yes, the L. Frank Baum classic tweaked for today...

Dorothy (Hillary Clinton) only wanted one thing...to return home to her Arkansas villa, er, I mean, Illinois Lake Shore Drive estate, uh, I mean, New York brownstone...but no, that's not the way it works she was told...first, she would have to apply for a travel pass at the Federal Bureau of Movement...once there, she meets the clerk, Mr. S. Crow (George W. Bush)...

Mr. Crow tells Dorothy he would love to help her, however because of his entry level status as a developmentally delayed hire, he must first get a supervisor's approval at the Department of Equality on the third floor. The two attempt to take the elevator up two flights, however it is closed for repairs because the mechanics are in mandated sensitivity training due an ACLU law suit involving their supervisor, Mr. Tinmen (Joe Biden)...they take the service elevator...

Mr. Tinmen greets them and assures Dorothy that he will make every effort to grant her request...even if it means taking her case to the Wizard himself...but first, he insists she go with him to the fifth floor where they will meet with the Undersecretary of Maintenance, C. Wordly Lionne (Barney Frank)...they arrive and Lionne screams at Tinmen..."what do you think you are doing? This woman has no security clearance. I mean, it's bad enough you brought along the clerk...he can't hurt us...but this stranger, who 'only wants to go home?' A likely story..."

Tinmen interrupts Lionne's tirade, shouting, "you're not my boss. I answer only to the Wizard." Just then, Lionne's face turns beet red and he suddenly swivels, revealing a hideous second face (Bill O'Reilly). The face screams, "you can't talk to me like that...it's MY JOB to hold people like you accountable!" Then he mumbles something about "the folks" and the face disappears...

Lionne immediately tears up and begs Tinmen to forgive him. Tinmen shrugs, telling him "okay, okay, stop crying...let's go to the seventh floor and the Speaker of the Propaganda Bureau will help you find some stones, you pansy." Lionne keeps weeping, "have a heart. It could be worse. You could be him," pointing to Crow who's busy counting ceiling tiles...

Dorothy, who's been watching all this, pleads with them... "what are we doing? Who is this speaker?" She looks at Lionne who is alternately looking left (weeping) and then right (yelling), then to Tinmen who is busy slapping Crow about the upper torso vigorously while Crow continues counting tiles, stopping occasionally to restart...

Just then the elevator opens, a trumpet sounds, and the Speaker (Nancy Pelosi) exits. Dorothy pleads, "Madam Speaker, can you help me? I just want to go home." The Speaker acts as though she does not hear the distressed Dorothy and talking to no one in particular, says, "I am the only one who can take your case to the Wizard. We must go to the penthouse." The elevator again opens...

Onward and upward they go, reaching the top...they thought...where they are greeted by the Wizard (Barack Obama) himself. He is shirtless, holding a basketball and there is a cigarette dangling from his lips. The penthouse is magnificent...the room is a gymnasium, but the walls open and the room expands into a sort of multi-purpose room...a combination office, den, theater, cafeteria, patio, dormitory, entertainment center...

"Welcome," he bellows. "Please, make yourselves at home. Can I get anyone a club soda?" He turns and takes a 30 foot (at least) jump shot. The ball vanishes. "Man, that's the third one today," he mutters. Well, I better get another one. Oh yes, what can I do for you?"

"I want to go home," pleads Dorothy. Pointing to the others, "I don't know what these people want...or what their purpose is around here...but I just want to go home."

"Fair enough," he answers. "First, all I need is...cough, sputter, hack." The cigarette falls from his lips. He drops to one knee. "Can't breathe...must have oxygen...call paramedics...please." Just then, the massive ceiling opens and a helicopter hovers overhead...a man dressed in a firefighter uniform (Bill Clinton) climbs out and is lowered by cable toward the choking Wizard...

Just then, the Wizard stops choking...the Speaker recognizes all those around her and smiles. Lionne proudly stands up and offers his hand to Tinmen who tearfully accepts the gesture. Dorothy smiles and clicks her heels. "Everything is beautiful," they say in unison. The free world has been saved. Well, except now Crow is counting floor tiles...

Lest ye think I'm a right wing, Neo-Nazi, conservative hell bent on "hammering" all things progressive, neigh, liberal...please allow me to set the record straight. I am NOT now, nor have I ever been anything more than just a big, dumb, middle of the road, white guy...


I am simply an oafish clown that the VAST majority of humans on the planet have either ignored or belittled. Now, now, now, before you toss the "whiner" tag on me, let me also say that I have patterned my life in such a way as to be either ignored or belittled, so we're good, okay?


Sure, I've been registered (at one time or another) to vote under either the Democratic OR Republican parties; HOWEVER, I consider myself clearly, CLEARLY in the Independent corner. I admit I once voted for Jerry Brown (of Californica). I voted for Reagan twice and I even voted for Ross Perot...and yes, I voted for Obama.


What!!??!! A lower middle class white guy?? Yes, and that's "heavy" on the "lower." Actually, I grew up as a lower, LOWER, middle class kid, but I've been steadily moving up to (simply) the lower echelon of the middle class...


Anyway, I didn't vote for Obama because I thought his ideas we're all that different from McSame...who's not all that different from Bush...who wasn't all that different from Clinton...I voted for change...regrets? Nah...


I first considered voting for Obama because he was the farthest thing I could think of from the "usual suspects" (with any reasonable expectation of winning)...of course, naming Hillary Clinton as the "face of foreign policy," as mentioned this morning on CNN...is not really my idea of "farthest." But I digress...


The MAIN reason I voted for Obama is because of George W. Bush...Bush had the power to turn around the "mess in Washington;" the mess that his father "reluctantly, even inadvertently, started," and that Bill Clinton took and enhanced to immeasurable heights.


"W" fumbled everything he touched. He was the ONLY one who could have put the country back on the "correct" path...but he didn't even try...he was the ONLY single individual with ANY remote chance of effecting any kind of positive change...and HE BLEW IT!!!


Why does that bother me? Well, because now it appears our only alternative (to the corruption and greed of both the private and public sectors) is to "nationalize" EVERYTHING...of course under the guise of "transparency," thus driving the corruption and elitism further underground.


Huh? What the hell are you talking about? Well, Karl...if you must know...because of "W" and his inability to reign in his corporate buddies AND an out-of-control congress (heck, even Reagan could have a beer with Tip O'Neill), we are saddled with seemingly infinite (and growing) debt...


...and SOOOOO, hi-ho, hi-ho, it's off to (incremental) socialism we go...that is, until our Bi-polar nation decides to swing back the other way...but that's a post for another day...

Well, this time next week, we'll have a new president. I'm looking forward to the return of some semblance of prosperity. Seriously...I am...and no, I'm not sarcastically inferring that the old crooks in DC will be replaced by a bunch of new (executive) crooks...I do think there will be a change...positive change. I believe this because as I have previously stated...much to the confusion of others...it is far, FAR easier to sabotage than support...and I'm talking about "media" support...and it DOES matter...


No, I'm not saying all we need to do is join hands and sing "Kumbaya." The country won't miraculously heal thyself because the New York Times and other mainstream media outlets return to their "shiny, happy headlines" of the 90's (support)...in contrast to their mocking belittling tone of the past eight years (sabotage). No, I believe it's much more complex...but (at the same time) simple...we just need to work hard(er) to work together...


Sometime in December of 2000, I wrote a letter (e-mail) to George W. Bush...urging him to "step aside for the good of the country." He didn't listen...for obvious reasons...but I believe EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US can now see that I was right. The Democrats warned us...as they rightly should have (well, I guess it WAS nice of them to give us advance warning)...that they were unhappy with the election and WOULD NOT support the new president...and they didn't...



No, I'm not just talking about the Clintons taking a few items of china and other trinkets from the White House (upon their departure). I'm talking about EACH AND EVERY even slightly relevant Democratic leader letting it be known (to the world) that we now (then) had an illegitimate president (sabotage)...by the way, the media was quick (and gleeful) to report that...that was easy...


Fast forward to today...are there any (relevant) Republican leaders calling Obama illegitimate? Of course not...that question is silly...a better question would be, are there any Republican leaders even hinting that they're hoping the new president will fail...and the answer to that is a big fat "NO!" And I believe THAT is difficult...that is, to support, FOR THE GOOD OF THE COUNTRY, someone with whom you philosophically and ideologically disagree...


There is NO ONE talking down the economy (well, except the Democrats themselves), NO ONE talking about "not supporting the president," and there is NO ONE not offering heartfelt support and congratulations for the incoming administration...except for a few far right loons...yeah, I know...double negative...sorry...but don't tell me swallowing your pride (like most Republicans from "W" on down are doing)...and supporting the opposition...is easy...


Why? Well, I think it's because most reasonable people see what the last eight years have given us. NOBODY has fared well the last eight years. EVERYBODY has suffered. The finger pointing and the blame game have GOT to stop. The Democrats have proven they wouldn't stop. Let's see what the Republicans will do...if they take a page from the Democratic playbook, we are in BIG trouble. However, if they continue to offer (even tacit) support, I believe we have a really good chance...PEACE...

Rather than post the "mea culpa" I had planned (this week) or pen my "Wizard of Oz" parody, I thought I'd earn another opportunity to (later) write still "another" mea culpa. What do I have to be sorry for? Well, aside from as Howard Cosell might've said, "telling it like it is," I must offer my contrition to anyone who might be offended by any word or phrase or sentence offered up in any previous (or future) post. I mean, that IS the American way, right? Anyway, because the state of California (from where this blog originates) is still in the midst of attempting to solve a massive budget deficit, I think I need to offer further critique.



"Hell, what'r you whinin' about now?" Hey, that reminds me...I'd like to introduce my readers to Buck, (one of) my alter egos or inner voices who attempt to keep me in line...I mean especially when I start whining...which is often according to the uninformed. It's hard to describe Buck. He's sort of a cross between John Wayne, the aforementioned Cosell, and my ex-father in law, George. You know, starts every sentence with an expletive or declarative and could easily be dismissed as somewhat malevolent, but still offers poignancy rarely seen (in media) these days.



There will be other alter egos popping up now and then...there's Goldberg, my best friend and mentor. He guides me in financial matters and yes, affairs of the heart. Then there's Pam...who keeps me intact socially; that is, so I don't make so many blunders-in-public...and yes, Pam is my wife's name...and I adore my wife...HOWEVER, my wife is only a part of this alter ego (the good part)...the alter ego "Pam" is a compilation of hierarchical figures who have "called me on my stuff" in the past. I will henceforth refer to my wife as my wife; when I use the term "Pam," I'll be referring to the alter ego Pam. And there's Bob, sort of the "id" in my alter ego...but more on that later...



But, getting back to my "whining,"... Buck...I ran across a quote from State Senate Pro Tem Darrell Steinberg, stating to the effect, "IHSS (In-Home Supportive Services), I said, 'We're not doing it'...in my view, the people who do IHSS work, they're doing God's work,"...this being said in reference to Governor Schwarzenegger's "demand" (yeah, the Scab-ramento Bee actually wrote "demand" rather than "request") to cut non-medical services by In-Home Supportive Services workers.



How does that help? I mean, tossing in the God reference and inferring that the governor was "demanding" rather than "requesting." Will that bring the sides closer together? I don't think so. It is apparent from EVERY report, item, headline, etc. that we are going to take a hit...EVERY ONE OF US. There will be cuts-a-plenty and taxes-a-plenty despite the euphemism (reductions to the left of me, investments to the right) and "they" say no one is exempt. Oh really...



IHSS? Speaking of euphemisms, many of these cases (many...more than one...NOT every case) are simply a "monthly" check sent to a ne'er-do-well, live-in relative (i.e. crankster, basehead, junkie) who will in turn "take care of nana." How is "reforming" via reductions the way we provide assistance to the indigent/elderly against God's will. Should IHSS avoid the sacrifice(s) we ALL are going to have to make? Simply because a politician says it's "God's" work? Provide assistance to folks who need it? Yes! Provide additional $$$ (or even the same amount) without accountability? I think Steinberg would say yes. However, we need to say no...and I know Buck would agree.

2009! It's finally here...and not soon enough...too bad it couldn't be 2010 already. Nevertheless, it's here and we need to deal with it. I suppose I could start the New Year with some trite list of expectations or, egad, a nebulous list of highlights (or in Bush's case, low lights) from 2008. But again, I digress. Yes, it IS getting serious here in California...


I've already outlined my suggestions, neigh, solutions for ending our fiscal dilemma, for both current AND future budgets. I've heard similar thoughts and opinions...and even heard a few rumors regarding some of my more outlandish suggestions...not that either of my readers would start rumors (i.e. they must be coming from somewhere else).


Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is proposing to balance California's $40 billion-plus deficit-laden budget by using revenue increases, spending cuts, and borrowing...and yes, I'll say it again, the TRUE definition of insanity; that is, using the same tried and (un)true stop gap measures and then expecting different results.


My multi-point plan is simple, less painful than Arnold's plan, and definitely more durable and long lasting. Of course, my plan incorporates the "spending cuts," (however NOT without safe guards in place so the cuts might be eliminated at the first sign of future black ink) and "revenue generators" (i.e. relatively pain-free new taxes and moderate increases); HOWEVER, minus the insanity.


Can you think of anything more idiotic that a 1.5 cent sales tax increase? Well, I can. How about a "temporary" 1.5 cent sales tax increase? Why don't we simply disengage our emergency brake...because we certainly won't need one after our economy comes to a screeching halt. Don't believe it? You should. On the other hand, when was the last time a tax was "temporary?"


Anyway, to recap: #1...legalize and tax the hell out of marijuana. Again, don't cry and whimper about the breakdown of society, blah, blah, blah...as I've previously stated...it's basically legal except we're not receiving the financial benefit...you know, doctor's notes, traffic tickets (or less) for possession, cannabis clubs sprouting (heh-heh, sprouting, get it?) up all over.


Also, as I've previously mentioned, tax it, tax it, tax it. Between July and October of '08, agents seized millions of marijuana plants in California...with a reported street value of, GET THIS, $15.8 BILLION DOLLARS!! Yes folks, up in smoke...that's wasted tax revenue...hell, add fees, fines, surcharges, to the mix and we're well on our way...to fiscal sanity...


#2...legalize (AND encourage) gay marriage in California...and then further encourage ALL responsible gay couples to come to California, get married, and add to the California tax base. We may even want to add surcharges, etc., to marriage and marriage licenses while at the same time make divorce easier (and cheaper) and thereby encourage even more marriage.


#3...a California ID card...if you are a LEGAL resident of California, you receive an ID card (a Driver's License will suffice)...then, a nominal fee is placed on specified goods and services. If one possesses a "card," the fee is waived. If not, simply pay the relatively small surcharge (a matter of convenience). Difficult to collect? Nah, it can be done.


#4...hand in hand with number 3, rather than just "sin" taxes on the usual suspects (beer, wine, and cigarettes...add these "taxes" to services (like dry cleaning, auto repair, etc.)...it probably wouldn't hurt to look into this...and yes, I realize it's part of the Governor's proposal, so no, I guess it probably wouldn't work.


#5...however, what WOULD work, is gambling...a sort of Nevada-lite, if you will. We wouldn't necessarily have to have an entire industry...BUT, certainly, since we're already doing it for horse racing, card rooms, Indian Casino's, and the LOTTO (our kids win too...yeah, right), it shouldn't be too difficult. Imagine if you will, getting a piece of the pie for every insipid Super Bowl pool being circulated throughout work sites at this very moment.


#6...or last but not least...a part-time legislature...well, this is not new, but since representatives in Sacramento are basically part-time anyway, let's actually mean it. I'm not saying we should cut their pay...they still need a living wage. HOWEVER, stipends? Gone! Free autos? Gone! Free gas? Gone! Free travel? Gone! I'm NOT saying to cut out all perks (sure, many folks make their living providing services to the politicos), but we can easily turn our state back into a "working state."


Okay, that's it for now...please tune in for subsequent posts...future posts include my "Wizard of Oz" parody and my extremely sincere apology to the media...many (both) of you are saying I'm biting the hand of the person I hope to feed from someday...I disagree...but more on that later...